No one enters into a marriage knowing for sure, or expecting it to fail, but today many enter a marriage with fear. Although fear can be an enemy – do not fear.
Separations and divorces are and will be forever inevitable, but it is possible to have a healthy breakup in spite of the emotional difficulties to come.
There is no “preparation for divorce” school. As a result we are all taken by surprise, unprepared and powerless until we overcome the first stages and start taking charge of the situation. If it is meant to be, let’s do it smoothly and as quickly as possible.
In order to achieve a “healthy breakup” both spouses will need to feel their natural characteristics. The first and most important is to be a “mensch” and do not take it for granted because this is becoming a rare trait today.
Being a “mensch” implies the need for full and constant cooperation and healthy communication. Moral values should be your guide in a divorce, not your friends, family, psychologist or not even your lawyer – your good moral values will help to keep you focused.
It is inevitable that an end of a traditional marriage, or any other kind of modern marriage like common law marriage, will unleash a river of emotions such as hate, anger, grief, fear, anxiety and even despair – hopelessness.
The only way to cope is to be forgiving, and kind to yourself – forgive yourself and you will cope much better.
There are many items on the “do not do it” list in a divorce such as: blaming yourself or your spouse, feeling guilty, involving your children or even worse using them as a weapon, perpetuating your mourning (for the loss), perpetuating court procedures (as a strategy), etc.
One must learn the skills to “create” skills to cope with a separation. Remember that in the end it will be you alone using these skills, in order to create a better, and who knows, a new fantastic relationship in the future.